she looked like the before picture.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
