i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Randomize
