i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
