Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
