i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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