Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He had one of those small greek statue penises
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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