i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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