I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.