I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
