we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
