Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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