Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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