had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
