how can u be prego again
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
