hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
