JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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