I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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