At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
