Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
