If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
