Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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