i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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