Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
