Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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