..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
