Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
that's an acceptable place to lick
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
