Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
