did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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