I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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