Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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