and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
