I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
