It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
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My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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