My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
