I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
