Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
