he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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