I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
