Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I love having hate sex.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
