dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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