I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
