So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
