Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
