smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
