All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
