Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
