So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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