Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
