Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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