and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
