If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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