her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
