I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
