and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize