It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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