i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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