I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You left your phone here
Wait...
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