return my video game
Can i not drive my cunt home
Apparently you make a good broom.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pooping to opera.
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