Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
