Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
