i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it's like iHOP with fire
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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