So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
